Evil Mom, continued

Larry,

Today is your lucky day. I've got more exciting things to tell you about my very dull and uncomplicated life.

On Friday, I uncovered more evidence that my mother may be the devil.

I was out walking Xander on Friday afternoon and I stopped by my mom's place to have a diet coke and talk with her a bit. She told me that she'd had a rough day at work. Playing the part of concerned son, I asked her for details. She's a nurse and she currently works for a company that provides home hospice care for people. For the past year, she's been caring for Judy, a mentally retarded woman. It sounds cool, I know. Sadly, Judy has the mental capacity of a 5 year old. This is problematic for my mother at times because Judy likes to play practical jokes, be disagreeable, and basically act like a child. Every day, my mom has to take Judy's vitals and document them. Friday, she was using a digital thermometer to take Judy's temperature. However, Judy was not cooperating. Normally, one inserts the thermometer under the tongue and then the instrument beeps when it has a reading. After 15 minutes without a beep, my mom questioned Judy. She didn't go into details but when I asked her what happened, she said that she basically tore Judy a new one. I think that she actually used those words. She said that after she had gone off on Judy for being difficult, Judy panicked and begged my mom to not forget to feed her. I listened, incredulous, as she told her tale. I believe that she was prepared to skip one of Judy's meals as punishment.

As far as I know, she fed her anyway.

Maybe she's not evil.

Talk soon,

Paul

Desperation

Larry,

Hey buddy. How the heck are you? It's been a while. I haven't had much going on but darn it if I can find the time to write you like I should.

I am pathetic. I realize this on a daily basis. The story that I am about to tell you illustrates this point perfectly.

Two weekends ago, Anna and I went out to dinner with Jen and Diego. It was a farewell dinner of sorts as Diego was leaving the country for six months. We went to Houston's. The food is great but what really impresses me about the joint is the waitstaff. They are meticulous. This makes for a really enjoyable dining experience.

Anna and Jen ordered the Ahi Tuna. I ordered ribs. Big mistake. When our food arrived, I immediately asked Anna for a bite of her tuna. I immediately regretted ordering the ribs. That's what I get for going for portion over taste. So, I ate my ribs, all the while ruing the fact that I didn't get the tuna. Jen had eaten most of her tuna and when she passed Diego a piece of the tuna, I knew that she was probably getting full. With 2 pieces left on her plate, I was hopeful that they would soon be mine. Unfortunately, she polished off another piece and I was no longer sure that I'd be on the receiving end of her unwanted meat. With one piece of tuna left on her plate, she and Anna excused themselves and went into the bar for an after dinner smoke. Deigo and I chit-chatted sporadically in their absence. I was distracted by tuna. Suddenly, our waiter came by and reached down as if to take Jen's plate. With desperation in my voice, I exclaimed, "Don't take it! She's not finished!" He picked up her napkin and explained to me that he was just folding her napkin. I felt a little foolish, to say the least.

When the girls returned, I slaked my tuna thirst with her seared meat and I tell you, my friend, it was heavenly.

Pathetic.

Happy Monday,

Paul