Monday, March 13, 2006

LA Clippers


Remember how I said that I'd have more exciting stuff to talk about the last time? I lied.

This weekend was pretty chill, as far as weekends go. Anna was worn out from her trip to Florida last week so she was asleep by nine on Friday and Saturday. I, left to my own devices, stayed out of trouble. Surprise.

We did have lunch at the White Church. It would appear that this is where we're having the rehersal dinner. I have told Anna repeatedly that I don't want to give a speech. I just can't do it. I get stage fright like you wouldn't believe. My neck gets stiff, my mouth dries up, and start to take on the attributes of a robot. It's not so pretty. So, in the event that I am forced, I plan to thank everyone for coming, and then, at some point duriung my ramblings, blurt out "I can't do this" and then disappear into the recesses of the old church. Should be funny. You should come.

You're invited, by the way. Anna wanted me to tell you. Since you're a big Hollywood moviestar, I told her that you're schedule wouldn't allow it. She wanted me to pass the information along, regardless.

On a lighter note, I went to my mom's house this weekend to help her set up her new TiVo. I love TiVo, by the way. It's the best invention since...well, frankly I know of no other invention that comes close to the TiVo. So, for me, it's the best invention EVER. But I digress. I was at my mom's house, setting up the TiVo. I was almost done and my mom had to leave. She had to go pick her dog Pax up from the groomers. Since my mom drove us both from the White Church, I was left there alone. I watched a little Blow but then found myself outside playing the Pied Piper to a bunch of ducks. That's all irrelevant. I snooped around her apartment a little bit while she was gone and discovered that she had in her tiny apartment, 6 nail clippers. SIX. Isn't that too many? There were two in her bedroom, two on the bar that separates the kitchen from the living room, and then 2 on a coffee table in the living room. I could understand 2, maybe. One for the bedroom and one for the other room. That way, if you're lazy like me and you feel the urge to cut your grossly long toenails, you can do it whether you're in the bedroom or the living room. But to have six makes me think that my mom's got some kind of weird toenail problem or fetish. I can't decide which. To be honest, I'd rather not think about the possibility of my mother having any kind of fetish.

You know what? I've got to stop there.

Hope that all is well in Hollywood.