McNightmares

Larry,

It’s been a long time. So much has changed. I’m a bigger man; steadfast and sure-footed. Actually, sure-footedness is one of my special powers. I have many but no more that I wish to share at the moment. I did want to share this with you. I had to go to Wally World on my lunch break to pick up some groceries. This bastion of consumerism might as well be the weekly meeting place for the Bottom Feeders of America. I feel unclean having spent 20 horrifying minutes there. My visit was capped off by one of the most disgusting displays I have ever bore witness to in all my 31 years. The “family” (old woman, older woman, dirt child) in front of me were settling up with the cashier as I waited, my skin crawling with Mart mites. The trio had grabbed some McDonalds (conveniently located at the rear of the store) for some shop-snacking. Dirt Kid grabs his McBurger from the basket and begins to inspect it before shoveling it in his mouth. He pulls the top bun off to check out his McMeat and suddenly, the patty and one of the buns plummets to the ground. That’s not the sick part. He is not quick enough to exercise the 5 second rule but lazily picks up his fallen comrades after 8 (maybe 10) seconds, pieces his burger back together and proceeds to eat the hamburger with such relish that I was for a fleeting moment, envious. Then I threw up in my mouth a little and carried out my transaction, partially in shock.

I am afraid that I can never return and that I shall be forever haunted by this McMemory.

How are you? I saw your interview with Ricky Gervais. Good stuff.

Talk to you soon,

Paul